Liz Harris hung her towel and switched on the lights. The living room easy chair felt much too comfortable; no doubt the three nights of staying up past 2AM were taking their toll. It would be good to resume her normal routine back at home, but she would miss Heidi.

Unconsciously, her eyes roamed to the portrait on the wall. Heidi Westerham, also twenty-one, had never resembled beauty more powerfully than before. And Paul looked fetching himself, the red corsage brilliant against a tuxedo. It seemed so long ago. May 9th had been a glorious day; tears mingled with laugher. Weddings were bittersweet affairs, especially when it involved a friend of eight years. But now, six months later, she was visiting Paul and Heidi’s modest apartment across state and still in shock that February of next year would boast a new addition.

“Don’t fall asleep on me!”

Her friend sank into the corner of the couch beside her. It was likely the angle, but her stomach bulged considerably. “You’re cute, “ Liz blurted with a grin.

“It’s the baby, trust me.”

There was a pause. “You are falling asleep!” Heidi accused. “Okay, what’s on your mind?”

“Oh, I was just thinking…about you…the wedding…”

Heidi’s dark eyes waited, expectant.

Liz knew she referred to the hinted topic of conversation in a previous letter. “Well, what do you think about witnessing?”

“Witnessing?” Heidi was clearly surprised. “What exactly do you mean?”

What did she mean? The impression was new, a cluster of independent ideas. “I heard from an old friend awhile ago and she’s off in India doing missions work. She was extremely enthusiastic about sharing her faith and mentioned how people tend to shy away from Jesus’ commandment. I’ve never done much witnessing myself simply because…well, because I’m not the best speaker in the world, I guess.” Liz drew up her legs on the recliner. “And…well…”

“You’re scared?” Heidi’s question was more of statement. She laughed softly. “I’ve felt that way, still do. I’ve handled classes at church to learn what we believe and why, but have never expressed it in words to an unbeliever. It’s hard.”

“Exactly! But does fear mean we shouldn’t?”

“I guess not.”

“Then why don’t we?”

Heidi cocked her head. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you, Liz?”

“Yes!” The uncertainty that had been brewing for days now surfaced. “Heidi, I’ve come to realize that the fear of rejection holds me back. It’s held me back from alot of things. I feel like I won’t be able to finish something satisfactorily, so I don’t even start. In this case, what if I share the gospel yet the person laughs in my face? But,” Liz continued, holding up a hand to stop Heidi’s comment, “like our pastor said, there’s a lost world out there that can’t possibly know the truth unless I tell them.”

Heidi shifted on the sofa, stretching out. “I guess I’ve never thought about it that way…or never wanted to. But who could I possibly share with? Not the neighbors across the hall; they are two bachelor brothers and always have loud parties on the weekend.”

Liz sighed. “I don’t get out alot either. Nor am I crazy about coming up to people on the street. But surely there is someone…somewhere…” Secretly, Liz doubted her own words. Maybe this was entirely crazy, a calling only for certain people.

“Alright…” Heidi suddenly propped herself on one elbow. Liz was almost afraid at the passion in her eyes. “I challenge you, Liz, to tell one person about Jesus this week.”

Liz’s heart began to race. Tell one person about Jesus? She didn’t know the first thing about the how’s or where’s, do’s or don’ts! What if she got tongue tied? What if she messed up? What if she was rejected?

“Yes!”

Heidi smiled. “You will?”

Liz had to laugh. Her heart had spoken before her mind processed further doubts. “Yes – and I challenge you to do the same. One person this week.”

“Alright, one person.”

Their eyes met and both laughed. “What possessed you to say that?” Liz demanded.

Heidi shrugged. “I don’t know. But surely we can do it?”

“I guess…well, of course we can! The Lord gives strength to the weary, so why not opportunities to two simple girls who are trying to follow Him? I’m gonna call you next Wednesday,” Liz countered, shaking her finger mockingly, “and you’d better have an amazing story!”

The phone rang and Heidi left to answer, still laughing softly to herself. Once again, Liz settled into the recliner, but her heart soared. She had wanted to minister, to reach out – and now she was committed. Visions began to reel of meeting that elderly gentleman again, the one who had commented on her siblings at the library. She could tell him about Jesus…and the lady at the post office…and the clerk who always wondered why she wasn’t in college.

One person? Why, she might end up having the entire town converted!

*****

Liz fingered the phone buttons…the antenna…the mass of papers on her desk, anything that might command her attention away from the dreaded duty. This is ridiculous, she thought. I’m calling my best friend, not the President. Still….

She had failed. The one idea which had been her passion a week ago was currently buried under guilt. It wasn’t her fault though – was it? What could she have done differently? Nothing came to mind. Heidi likely conversed to every grocery store patron, not to mention compelling Paul to chat with the dudes across the hallway.

With determination, she punched the numbers. She had promised to call; this commitment she would not fail.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Heidi. It’s Liz.”

“Hey! Good to hear from you!” The cheery tone convinced Liz her assumptions were correct. “I was just balancing the checkbook with Paul. Dreary job, but it has to be done.”

“You should see my mom and I work through that process. It’s a nightmare. We share the same account but with separate records.”

Heidi laughed. “That would be a challenge.”

It’s either now or never, Liz sighed. “So…how did your week go?”

“Good.”

“Did you talk to anyone?”

The chortle of embarrassment was an instant relief. “Liz, you wouldn’t believe this – but I didn’t get out of the house once!”

“Not even to the store?”

“Paul bought groceries after work – no, I wasn’t chicken – and other than church, I’ve been home. That rarely happens. So, what about you? Success, right?”

“Believe it or not, the same happened to me,” Liz replied, now wondering if she should truly feel relieved. “It was to church on Sunday and that’s it. I didn’t even take walks, it’s been too cool.”

“Well…”

“Exactly what I think.”

“So much for our idea.”

There was a pause. Then Liz heard Heidi laugh. “Paul suggested you try random numbers in the phone book.”

“Uh, sorry, no. I suppose – we could try again this week.” Liz kicked herself, but again spoke before her mind could reason. “Thanksgiving is coming and I’m sure we’ll be out more. But,” she quickly countered, not wanting to be aggressive, “only if you want to, Heidi.”

“Sure…I guess.”

Through the phone, Liz heard a knock at the door. Heidi excused herself and Liz momentarily was left to her thoughts. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. It seemed doomed before flight. She could continue as before; surely letting people see Jesus in her actions was enough. The reasoning didn’t settle, but Liz pushed it aside. She’d try another week or two, see how things went. Besides, it wasn’t her fault she was at home the past seven days!

“Liz?”

“I’m here.”

“Sorry, my mom and siblings just showed up, so I need to go. Can I call you tomorrow…?”

Liz shrugged. “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just call you in a few weeks.”

“Alright, bye!”

“Bye…love you.”

The phone was still cradled to her ear moments later.

*****

The parking lot was chaos. A full five minutes was spent locating a vacant space.

“I don’t know why Mom sent me on a Saturday,” Liz voiced, pocketing her keys. She cast a glance at her nineteen year old brother in the passenger seat. “What are you laughing at?”

Chris winked. “You. I thought you relished shopping!”

“Sure I do. Just not two days after Thanksgiving.”

“Then we’ll simply get our groceries and leave. Nothing else.”

Liz shook her head. “Never mind. Alison, Luke – unbuckle and let’s go,” she called to the back seat. Clamors and rustling was heard; in a moment the four were aiming for the entrance.

“Afternoon, ma’am,” greeted an elderly man inside, sporting the familiar blue vest. “Would your kids like a sticker?”

Liz smiled but pulled her siblings aside, motioning Chris to proceed. No need for the gentleman to assume he was her husband too. “Sure; what’s Wal-mart without a sticker?”

The man brought out his roll. “That’s what I say. There you go, little man…and one for you, miss.”

“Thank you,” Luke and Alison echoed.

“You’re very welcome. And what cheery faces…I have five grandchildren myself; wife and I love them to death.” The man straightened, glancing outdoors. “They didn’t make it for Thanksgiving, though, and are heading west for Christmas.”

For a moment, Liz saw a flash of pain streak through his eyes. Her heart leaped with – with some unknown emotion. Would this couple be alone for Christmas, maybe for the first time? But just as quickly, the sentiment left and the man grinned. “Well, you have a good afternoon. Thanks for shopping at Wal-mart!”

Liz reached for Alison’s hand. Had she imagined the entire thing?” Yes, thank you.”

“Can I ride in the cart?” Six year old Luke begged as they reached Chris who patiently waited by the produce section. “My knee hurts where I bumped it yes’erday.”

“Me too?” Alison chimed. Already the nine year old had hopped on the side.

Chris raised a slip of paper. “Here’s the list Mom made. Why don’t you do your shopping and I’ll get the food?”

“You? Grocery shop?” Liz teased.

“Hey, I’m da college man now,” returned Chris with mock indignation. “I know all about groceries. Try me.”

Liz waved her hand. “Alright, go. I’ll meet you here in a bit. And no donuts,” she added sternly. “It’ll ruin their supper.”

Luke and Alison groaned. Chris just grinned.

Thirty minutes later, Liz pushed her cart towards the “20 items or less” check-out. Chris had already taken kids and groceries to the van and would be waiting. There were only three people waiting in Lane 19, compared to the five elsewhere, and in a moment she piled her items on the little counter.

The cashier had hair looped into a low ponytail and sported bright pink nails. The dull “hello” didn’t match her attire in the least. Liz managed a smile in return and dug for her checkbook.

“Cold out there?”

The question caught her off guard. “Uh…yes. It looks like snow too.”

A “hmmph” extended in return. “Never did like snow. I wanna move to Florida, but my boyfriend doesn’t and we’ve got college to finish.”

Liz offered a non-committal “oh” and prayed the topic would drop.

But Rachel, as the badge stated, showed no such intention. She worked methodically. Usually the thoughtfulness was appreciated (especially when handling lettuce) but Liz was tired of shopping, the crowds, getting out in the cold…and a whole host of other details which suddenly sprang to mind.

Rachel scanned the bottle of shampoo and conditioner and turned to tie bags. “Florida has got to be the place. Beaches, music, guys…don’t know much better place, do you?”

Liz wondered if she talked just to talk, or really wanted an answer. Staring at the pink nails, the verse “I go prepare a place for you” came to mind. Wasn’t that from John or something?

“$30.67, please.”

Liz met Rachel’s eyes.

Behind the sparkle of dark eye shadow, there was a vast chasm of weakness, of misery. The Bible verse again flitted to memory. Should she say something? Tell her that life on earth will never satisfy? But what if Rachel responded mockingly?

“Hey, you paying with check or credit card?”

The season was lost. Liz delivered the check and busied with recording the total, face flaming. Rachel ripped the receipt and stuck it into the third bag. “Thanks,” came the flat reply.

I blew it. I messed up, Liz thought all the way home. While Luke and Alison chatted nonsense over a bag of chips (healthier than donuts, Chris had declared), she fiddled the steering wheel while driving. The opportunity had been given, she even had the words to speak, and she backed out. Not once, but also with that man by the door, she recalled with a twinge.

A hand touched her arm. Chris was observing her with concerned eyes. “You okay?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? The world. Had Adam and Eve never sinned, reaching the lost wouldn’t be an issue. (Never mind the fact that when time reached her life span, everything would’ve drastically changed.) Liz dully wondered if her chance to make a difference was ruined.

*****

A few days later, with snow lightly covering the ground and Christmas truly seeming only sixteen days away, Liz was at her desk. A mound of paper scraps, pictures, stickers and stamps all signaled that she was buried deep (nearly literally) in her latest craze: scrapbooking. At least supper’s casserole was baking, so for the next twenty minutes, Liz was free.

She carefully arranged her pictures on patterned paper, then squinted at the magazine. Her design would never resemble the one depicted, but trying was enjoyable. “Need some blue eyelets,” she muttered, reaching for the small container to her left.

“Oooh, can I help?” Alison’s inquisitive face appeared beside her desk.

Liz gave her sister three of the four eyelets. “Here, hold these very carefully.”

Alison cradled her hands against her chest. “They’re tiny!”

“Yes…that’s why you have to be careful.” She poked a hole on her paper, inserted the eyelet, and reached for her setter and mini-hammer. “You don’t want to drop them because –“

It was over in three seconds. Liz mistakenly groped for her scissors, which in turn bumped her page just enough so the loose eyelet slipped from the hole. She groaned. “Because then they are a pain to locate, especially in my thick carpet, and are usually never found. Oh, I can’t believe I did that!”

She scrambled to the floor, already feeling around her chair. Alison squeezed beside her. “Uh-oh. Did you find it yet?”

“Nope.” The response wasn’t meant as harsh. But Alison was sensitive to her frustration and carefully deposited the remaining eyelets on the desk before slipping away. Liz scanned under her desk, removed her papers on the desk, shook her skirt, even removed her shoes. No luck.

“This is crazy!” Liz exclaimed. On impulse she reached behind her desk for consideration; the reward was numerous dust bunnies. “Here I am spread out on the floor, turning my room upside down for a silly eyelet. Is it really that important? No, Liz, so just –“

But it is to Me.

She paused, her hands in process of shaking the dust free. The words were not audibly spoken, but more of an impression.

You’re searching high and low for something very insignificant, but valuable to you. How much more, Liz, is a person’s soul for eternity?

I...I... Liz was dumbfounded. She knew precisely Whom was speaking, and to that which the Lord referred. Since her “grand blunder” at Wal-mart, the entire topic of witnessing was abandoned. She hadn’t called Heidi either, uneasy to hear of success, to of tell personal failures.

Will you? Will you...for Me?

A second chance. He was, as ever, forgiving the past and opening the future. Lord, I failed. I ignored the promptings You gave, too concerned with – with my own feelings and emotions. Can I have another chance to prove that I’m not ashamed of You?

The warmness in her heart was sweet acknowledgement.

*****

“My tummy hurts,” Luke whimpered, clutching a stuffed clown.

Liz wiped his face with a cold cloth. “I know, but I can’t do anything. You’re sick and just need to rest and drink lots of juice.”

“Can you read t’me?”

“Well, why don’t you take a little nap first.”

Luke nodded and snuggled under the covers. Liz stayed, holding his hot hand until breathing was regular. Poor guy…poor her for that matter. The Nutcracker was something she loved viewing every year and Luke had to get sick this weekend. Mom had offered to stay behind, but Liz refused. Chris was to drive up from college, arriving for the performance as a surprise; Mom would be blessed.

Once downstairs, Liz straightened the living room and then steered towards the den. Might as well get e-mails typed. Yet no sooner had she nestled in the chair when the doorbell rang. Concluding it was the UPS man with Christmas packages, she answered without deliberation. Startled, she realized two women stood before her.

The adolescent one smiled. “Hello! How are you today?”

“Uh…good, I guess.”

“My name is Beth, and this is my Aunt Mel,” she introduced. Beth fumbled in her pocket, and retrieved a miniature packet. “We’re just going around talking in the neighborhood and wondered if you could spare a few moments.”

With a sinking heart, Liz understood these must be Jehovah Witnesses from an adjacent community. Of all days, they had to appear when she was alone. Chris would d this opportunity to debate. But she wasn’t Chris.

“I guess,” Liz replied hesitantly. Though the sun shone brightly, the air was tingling her legs. The realization came of this being an opening to share the truth of Jesus. That was enough to reverse her sensations! Oh Lord…what do I do?

Beth opened her publication. “We’d just like to show you some things about the end of your life. See, right here it says…” and rattled off a verse Liz vaguely recognized from Revelation. “So, you see, God is very clear about the end of the earth. We have some brochures here, if you’re interested in reading more.”

How on earth does one fight Scripture with Scripture? But always finding difficulty in expressing no, she said, “Okay.”

Two were thrust into her hands. “Would there be a time,” Beth proceeded brightly, “that we could come back next week and see if you have any questions?”

“Well, my schedule is pretty unpredictable.” What schedule? She was home all day. Liz racked her brain of how to just politely direct these people off her doorstep. “Uh, maybe I could contact you if I have questions?”

“That would be wonderful!” Beth exclaimed, already pulling paper from her purse.

Oops, wrong choice of words. “No, I mean—“ Her words came too sharply, for both women raised their eyebrows. Liz felt like crying. “I mean, don’t go to the trouble.”

Beth nodded. “Alright, then maybe we could stop by next Friday to talk to you more?”

“Uhhh…” Why was she so tongue-tied? No further words were needed, however, because the women bid a good-afternoon and left.

Weakly, Liz closed the door and sagged against the wall. “It’s worthless.” The articulated phrase bounced back to her soul as faulty, but she disregarded them. “I’m not ashamed of Jesus in the least. I’m not!” It was like Liz-The-Spiritual battling Liz-The-Self. “But this isn’t me! Maybe when I’m older. Maybe when – when I have a husband who can start off conversations better.”

Yet the reasons were void. There was a lost world, of that she was convinced; but it rarely affected her so why waste the tears and pleading? If people approached her, Liz resolved she would talk. Otherwise…

“God, forgive me, but I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

*****

Heidi dear:
Just a note to enclose with the card. Can you believe that Christmas is in 8 days? I’m almost ready; just need to wrap some stuff I bought yesterday... So, how’s the “deal” we made last month been going? I must confess, another reason why I haven’t called is because my tales amount to nothing. It’s funny, but I was FOR SURE that you would save the whole complex or something. I was also very set on not going much out of my way to talk about Jesus (i.e. at McDonalds: “Great meal – by the way, do you know Jesus?” method). But my, did He bring plenty of opportunities to me! The bad thing is, I chickened out on ‘em all. Feeling guilty that I can’t reach the whole world for Christ is one thing; but not dealing with what He clearly brings ME is another story. Anyway, that’s been my thoughts lately. I feel like giving up and yet it burns in my heart unexplainably.

Liz nervously twirled her pen. Her mind had long quelled that which her soul cried…and now the words stared in her face. She was a hypocrite. Did she love her Lord? Yes, without a doubt. But was it so real, so passionate, that she could not live a day without sharing Him with others? Even yesterday, she was in Wal-mart (of all places) and a woman had mentioned broken Christmas dreams. The hope was on the tip of her tongue, but Liz strangely could not speak it.

“I can’t…just can’t…”

Resolutely, Liz bent to the paper. The mail would be collected soon.

Hope you have a nice Christmas. I know Paul will enjoy the time off. Take care of that baby and I’ll see you soon.
Hugs,
Liz

*****

Two weeks later, Liz brought in the mail, only interested in one letter. Without removing her coat, she slit the envelope and sank to her bed.

My dear friend Liz,
Christmas has come and gone, and soon the New Year will be here! What a year this has been, eh? No doubt the next will be just as full and incredible. And I’m going to be a Mama!! Christmas for us was hectic, but lots of fun too... No, I haven’t converted the whole apartment building, silly. That wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned anyway. I still struggle with opening my mouth to say what needs to be said. Any idea why this is so hard for us? Are we just cowards? Not “on fire” for Christ? Not serious enough? Afraid of people’s responses? No message? All of the above? There, those are my thoughts and I must be going now.
Much love always,
(“hi” from Paul and baby too!),
Heidi

Liz glanced at the mirror on her door, contemplating the reflective image. Did she really have a message? Of course she did. But was it a message anyone would want to hear? How on earth could she, a conservative dresses-only and courting-only girl, who never had a date, hadn’t been to public school since 3rd grade and barely knew a thing about what the world was like, possibly bring hope to people?

No, it wasn’t for her, not for Heidi. At least, not right now.

*****

“Liz? Telephone!” Dad entered the den, hand outstretched.

Liz took the phone absentmindedly, still absorbed in her unfinished e-mail. “Who is it?”

“Mrs. Bridges. She needs help with her girl’s group tonight.”

Her concentration was broken. Liz turned in the chair. “Dad, I’m really –“

“Not interested,” Dad finished with a smile. “I know. But I think you should go. It’d be good for you. Besides, you haven’t been out of the house in two weeks, except to church.”

Unfortunately, he was right. Another point? Her parents also knew exactly why she had been keeping to herself. Resolutely, Liz pushed the MUTE button. “Hello?”

“Liz, hello. This is Mrs. Bridges. How are you doing?”

“Pretty good.” I may not be after 9:00, though.

“Great. I was wondering if you’re free tonight. I need an assistant with my girl’s group that meets at my home every Thursday; Becky called in sick a bit ago. It would only be from 6:30-8:30. We play a game or two, have the lesson, then finish off with snacks. Very informal.”

“Well….I did have some other plans,” she offered weakly. Uh-huh – like what? Fix supper? The soup is already made. E-mails? You have wrong priorities, Liz.

Mrs. Bridges seemed to sense her hesitation. “Tell you what: Mrs. Frank already offered to come and if you can make it, that’ll be great too.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sure you remember where my house is. Turn off Main onto Acadia, and we’re the third house on the left.”

“Acadia….third house,” Liz repeated dutifully.

“Sounds good. Thanks, Liz! Bye.”

A minute passed. Then two. The crazy pipe screen saver that Alison loved suddenly took over the computer screen. She knew she should go. Besides the fact that her parents wished it and she wasn’t busy, her conscience was nagging like anything. Speaking softly was more like it, and that was often worse.

It was just a Bible study with probably no more than six girls. What was the big deal? The issue was Liz was scared. That she had heard stories from Mrs. Bridges of the girls who came, their backgrounds and faithful attendance for the fellowship and food but little response to the message. That she had started off the year writing boldly in her journal for God to take her to new heights in their relationship, and now the first test was looming. As crazy as it sounded, she knew that if she went tonight, she’d dive deep into something unexplainably wonderful that would leave her changed.

“Fine…I’ll go.” Liz shook her head and picked up the phone once more. “I trust you God…I think.”

 

Mrs. Bridges led the way into the living room. Light classical music was playing from the stereo and the candles lit in various locations gave a cozy atmosphere. The group turned at their entrance.

“This is a friend of mine,” Mrs. Bridges introduced. “Liz Harris. We’re glad to have her join us. Liz, meet Carrie, Leslie, Dani, Tiffany and Naomi. Saline couldn’t make it tonight.”

Liz smiled cautiously. “Hey, guys.” I can do all things through Christ…take a deep breath and go for it, Liz. It’s not the den of lions. Casual greetings were returned. But within minutes, Mrs. Bridges excused herself to grab her Bible and lesson book, while Mrs. Frank refilled cups of hot chocolate. Wonderful. I guess there’s no better way to get acquainted than making the first effort.

Liz slid to the floor beside the a dark-haired girl. She was dressed more conservatively than the rest, and happened to not be buried in the student handbook. “And you are?”

“Dani.” The girl tucked some hair behind an ear and met her gaze with surprising boldness. “I’m sixteen. How old are you?”

“Twenty-one.” Dani’s honesty was definitely relaxing. “Have you…been coming here long?”

“About three months. Carrie invited me.” Dani motioned to a petite blond across the circle. Carrie lifted her head and casually waved. “I don’t have anything on Thursday nights and hate being home. I try to get out whenever I can.”

“Oh. Why?” The question slipped before Liz could think. She quickly defended, “That is, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Dani shrugged and fingered the seam of her jeans. “Dad and Belinda – that’s my step-mom – just fight all the time. And Vin’s pretty cool, but he’s usually playing basketball somewhere. He’s Belinda’s son from another marriage anyway.”

Thankfully, Mrs. Frank and Mrs. Bridges returned simultaneously, ready to begin the lesson. Liz settled against the couch, Bible propped open like the rest, but her mind was reeling. Something about Dani made her heart pound with – with compassion. It put her to mind of that girl – was it Rachel? – in the Wal-mart checkout a few months ago. It was compelling. It was painful.

It was inevitable.

Liz, I want you to talk to Dani after the lesson.

God, what do I say? I can’t relate in the slightest!

It’s not about you, Liz – it’s about Me. Give them My hope, My love, My truth.

But is that enough?

The silence was rebuke enough. But the war continued in her soul. She couldn’t talk! It was such a simple thing, yet she couldn’t. She would fail. She had before. Why would this time be different? Yet she knew that if she didn’t –

With a start, Liz realized the closing prayer had been said and Mrs. Frank was passing around two plates of various cookies. Had she been debating that long? And she noticed Dani had somehow ended up by Naomi and Carrie. Furthermore, Dani was periodically casting side glances her way.

Well, she’s not here anymore, so I can’t talk, Liz reasoned. She turned and joined Leslie, Tiffany and Mrs. Frank. The girls were lighthearted and conversations were peppered with various stories of school life. After about fifteen minutes, Liz offered to take the cookie trays back to the counter.

She slipped into the kitchen, and was returning cookies to containers when a movement caught her eye. Actually, it was more of a shuffling…a shaky breath after a round of tears. Liz guardedly headed to the darkened laundry room, and was not at all surprised to find Dani leaning against the washing machine, arms folded tightly against herself.

“Are you okay?” It was stupid the moment she said it.

There was no answer. For a second, she thought to call Mrs. Bridges. But only for a second. Someone was…hurting. Compassion was overflowing her caution.

Liz inched closer. “Dani? What’s….wrong?”

“Everything.”

She barely caught the reply. “Like, what?” God, am I moving too fast here?

Dani shook her head. “Why should you care?” The words held bitterness.

“Because…”

It’s not about you, Liz – it’s about Me. Give them My hope, My love, My truth.

“I care because God does,” Liz said softly.

Dani moved and Liz found herself embracing the shaking figure of a child. “I don’t want to go home. It’s dark…and I’m scared!” she sobbed. “Dad’s never home and Belinda hates me. And Vin’s been bringing some of his friends over when they’re gone and – and – I got pregnant and finally had an abortion last month because I knew Dad would kill me if he found out. But I just couldn’t help myself! And now I feel awful. I hate myself!! I want to be a good girl, but I can’t. Nobody loves me! I don’t even know why I’m alive.”

Oh God…Oh Lord Jesus…She’s only sixteen. And she looked so secure! Why all this pain?

Minutes stretched into eternity, Dani continuing to cry and Liz utterly broken. Then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped. Dani tightened and Liz released. “I’ve gotta go,” she sniffed and before Liz could protest, was gone.

 

The wind nipped at her cheeks. Liz held her hood in place and quickly skirted to the van. She fumbled for keys, opened the door, and slid into the seat with relief. Thankfully, in only 10 minutes, she would be home.

God, why did you bring me here? Tears pricked her eyes, but she resolutely stuck the key in the ignition, blinking them away. Crying wouldn’t help. She just needed to get home, go to bed; everything would seem better in the morning and then…maybe…she would think all this over.

Dani’s wounded gaze suddenly came before her. It was as if she was calling, begging, for something, for anything that would give a spark of hope to life.

Liz took a deep breath – then laid her head on the steering wheel and cried.

She cried because she had seen the world of sin through new eyes.

She cried because she felt so helpless.

She cried because the Lord had shown a portion of His heart, how it grieves over the wrong, yet longs to give restoration to those who believe.

And she cried because at last she was convinced in her very soul. Convinced that she must give of that which had first been given to her by the Creator – love.

*****

Heidi carefully balanced her plate and punch glass as she settled into a chair.

“Paul said you’re just as beautiful, but not so graceful these days,” Liz teased.

“Oh did he?” Heidi patted her stomach for emphasis. “It’s true. I’ll be glad to have this baby, if only to tie my shoes again. Hey, did I tell you about our doctor?”

“What about her?”

“Well, I feel really comfortable with Bobbi, except that she’s a die-hard atheist. She’s rather tame about it, compared to others, but Paul and I can’t let her little comments pass by without some kind of, oh, comment ourselves. You’ve gotten a little bolder yourself these days, Liz – why don’t you talk to her?”

“Because she’s your doctor?”

“I know.” Heidi sighed. Her eyes roamed the small room. “I don’t know what to say!”

“Neither do I, to be honest.”

“You? Really, Liz. I’ve poured over your recent letters and you’re the next Ray Comfort! You will have the entire town converted before I even talk to my neighbor.”

Liz laughed. “You started it, daring me to tell one person about Jesus. But really…” Liz took a breath, trying to sort her emotions since that memorable evening three weeks ago. The chattering of women from the baby shower faded as she concentrated. “Like I said, it’s become not so much sharing the gospel as if it were my ‘live or die’ duty. I mean, it is, with the Great Commission and all, but, it’s become much more – personal.”

“You’ve talked about simply sharing your heart. Does it really…work?”

“It’s not a formula. It works when you’re obedient to God’s leading, speak His words and leave the results to Him. It’s hard,” Liz confessed. “Hard in the sense to not feel responsibilities beyond your calling, but also hard to hear His call.”

Heidi sipped her punch. “And I haven’t been very diligent to read my Bible and pray – really pray – like I should. That’s where my problem lies.”

“But when you do that, the opportunities are endless!” Liz felt her heart about to burst with joy. She laughed again. “Heidi, it’s just amazing. I don’t dread shopping anymore because He knows who I’m going to meet and will give grace accordingly. Sometimes it’s chatting with the lady behind me as I wait in the post office, gently bringing God’s peace into consideration when she worries about her husband in Iraq. It’s bringing God into everyday conversation where He belongs anyway. To the grocery clerk who still wonders why I’m not in college, I take a breath, mention God’s called me to minister at home and share how exciting that life truly is.”

“Wow. You know, maybe I should start with Bobbi at the clinic.”

“Good idea. Not always is the Truth accepted, though. More than often I get strange looks and thus end the conversations. I get so discouraged afterwards… ”

“So, what about this girl’s group? And how is Dani?”

“The meetings are going well but as for Dani, I don’t know.” Liz shook her head. “We actually talked every day after her first confession and I was able to share a lot with her personally about Christ. Man, was that scary! But then in two weeks, she didn’t come to the Bible study at all. I called her, but with no answer. The other girls say she’s at school, but not much else. Even Carrie can’t catch her between classes.”

Heidi sighed. “That’s so sad. I’ll be praying for her – and you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

In the pause, Liz realized Heidi was staring at her with a silly grin. “What?!”

“You’re incredible.” Heidi offered a hug, as best possible in her condition. “I’m so glad I have you for a friend.”

Liz returned the gesture. “Me too.” Thank you Lord, for this time to break and relax.

“You’re going to make a guy real lucky some day.”

“Heidi!”

The two dissolved into giggles. Heidi then decided to be sociable and excused herself. Liz headed to the restroom but was surprised to meet her dad exiting the other classroom.

“It’s for you,” Dad said, cell phone in hand.

Liz took it with curiosity. “Hello?”

“Hey…it’s Dani.”

Hundreds of questions instantly came to mind, all the who, what, when and where’s. The recent conversation with Heidi raced through her mind. But she felt the need to wait, and did, moving down the hallway for more privacy.

“I’m…sorry I haven’t talked to you in awhile. I got your cell phone number from Mrs. Bridges. I hope…you don’t mind.”

“No, that’s fine,” Liz assured. “You can call me any time."

Silence again.

“Dani?”

Sniffles were heard. Liz’s heart sank. God, after all this…after all we discussed…

Love her, Liz. Just love her, and direct her to the Truth.

“Brett and I were going out again, you know and…and we went to his house one night, his parents weren’t home and…” Dani burst into fresh sobs.

Show her the Truth. My Truth.

“Dani, you know what I’m going to say,” Liz began gently. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall.

“Yeah.”

“What is it?”

“That…that I’ve broken God’s law and…I’m guilty. That He still loves me and wants to save me. That He wants to…change…my life and make me….” Her voice faded into more tears.

“Say it, Dani.”

“He wants…to make me…pure.”

“Are you finally ready to accept?”

It seemed that all of heaven paused to hear the answer. Oh Lord, let her believe.

“Liz…I can’t. My dad would throw a fit if I started going to church all the time.”

“But Dani –“

“Never mind. I’ve gotta go.”

The line was dead in a second. Liz drew a shaky breath. Another failure. No, not a failure. I did what God laid on my heart. Dear Jesus, save her soul. Convict her yet! You haven’t given upt…and neither am I.

*****

Two weeks later, in late February, Liz returned home from an evening birthday dinner with her family. A message was blinking on the answering machine…

“Hey, Liz…it’s Heidi at about seven o’clock. I just thought I’d let you know that an hour ago, you became an aunt to Hannah Joy. No complications – if anything, a bit more dramatic than I had envisioned – and I’m doing fine. Paul seems more exhausted. Anyway, Hannah is 7lbs, 5 oz at 20 inches long and definitely has the Westerham features. She’s so darling and perfect! In fact…you know about the situation with Bobbi. After the birth, Bobbi wrapped Hannah in a blanket and handed her to me, saying she knew Hannah was loved. Without thinking, I replied that she was, but that God loved her more and had plans for her life beyond our knowledge. Bobbi was silent for a bit, then said she wanted to come back later to talk. Paul and I were shocked. It looks like our boldness, and prayers, will finally pay off. And it was just an every day situation. Well, give me a call tomorrow if you can and we’ll talk more. I’m in Room 206. Love you, Liz! Bye...”

Just an every day situation.

Liz blinked back tears. How true! Some are called overseas to minister; others need look no further than their backyard, than the day by day meetings of life. What mattered was that she was sensitive to His Spirit and ever growing in her relationship with Him. From there, giving to a person just a taste of the deep love was simply a natural outcome of that blessed hope she had in Christ.

completed June 2004; published in HopeChest Magazine

+back to top